Bury me in a nameless grave
I came from God the world to save.
I brought them wisdom from above:
Worship, & liberty, & love.
They slew me for I did disparage
Therefore, Religion, Law & Marriage.
So be my grave without a name
That earth may swallow up my shame.
It is time for the apparently tri-annual update to this desolate piece of internet landscape – so here we goooooooooooooooooooo! (please read that as someone saying “go” in an elongated fashion, not that there is some sort of “goo” fest about to begin. I’m not into that. Not since that time in Cozumel. Thankfully everything is cheap there, including paying off cops when they find you naked and blood-drenched, wandering along the beach, dragging your new friend by the ankle and daring sharks to leap forth from the horror-filled depths and take a shot at you. (If you’re reading this, Manuel, I’m real sorry for my actions that night, tequila and mescaline sometimes cause me to do non-reputable things. haha, of course I’m kidding, dead kids can’t read anything!)
Friends, I am feeling pretty good today – you could almost call my mood content, except that I never allow myself to be in such a state anymore, as I learned that contentedness leads to complacency and complacency leads to getting held down in the back of a Target by a group of brutish, foul smelling Albanians while they gang rape you. Uh, wait, I mean someone told me that’s what it leads to.
Ardit, you haven’t returned my texts about the HIV test
People with no arms must feel really bad in public when they have a cold, they can’t even cough into their sleeves or blow their snot-sewer noses. That’s gross. Stay home if you’re sick, armless people! That goes for those of us who still have our upper appendages, as well. I’m sick of your shit, commuters. I’m also sick from your sicknesses, commuters.
I HAS A HAND AND ITS GOT DISEASE
not sure why that photo caption made it a link – thanks HTML5!
If you think being at an office party and noticing you have cum stains on your pants is awkward – well you’re right.
Did you know if you take a mere one hundred dollars, do a lot of research and talk to qualified individuals about your options, and then invest it in a growing stock that you are still going to die? Life is a cruel joke.
In other news, I have a 5 page rant about inane shit (or is it?) written on a notepad that I started typing in but then I got bored with writing it into my computing device so instead here’s a picture of a hilarious cat:
I need to hire a secretary to read my notes to me. Or actually I guess I would tell her what to write. And yes I said “her” because women are good at that kind of thing, according to Mad Men. To be honest I don’t think they have the brain capacity to listen and type at the same time, but hey, that’s TV for you. Anyways, maybe in 4 months I’ll finish writing it out and I’ll post it!
In the meantime, check out the homie Sarah’s website, she updates almost as much as I do!