Oh, you’re awake!

I hope I didn’t startle you. Yes, I realize I’m in your home and it’s very late, but why get bent out of shape about the little things? What’s important is, I’m here now. Now we can finally be together, just like we’ve always dreamed. Please stop screaming. I’m afraid your dog won’t answer your calls either. Him and I had a bit of a…disagreement while I was letting myself in, and he’s awfully tired now. Who am I? My dear, I’m the man you’ve been dreaming of all this time. I know how lonely you get sometimes, especially after your husband was killed in Iraq. I’ve watched you cry I don’t know how many times, and it tears me up inside to see you so sad. But don’t worry, I’m here now, and we can be together. Please don’t try to run. Look, I’m not going to use this okay, so please stop crying? Look, I’m putting it away alright? Would you please just be nice? Goddamnit stop screaming! STOP IT! ST

oh hi
Sorry, I was just writing in my private diary of days past and updating my scrapbook with pictures of my new friend just prior to taking her swimming at the lake! Sometimes it’s fun to reminisce isn’t it? Your days with the family at the beach every summer, your first kiss, your first break and enter/kidnap/torture/murder…ahh, it seems like only yesterday doesn’t it?

So anyways, after getting home yesterday from kidnapping and murdering some lady I’ve been following for a few months, it dawned on me that some people have what could be considered very odd hobbies. Being an old hat at this internet dealie and completely desensitized to uh, last I checked, everything, I decided to look around and see what kind of weird, strange and mind-numbingly shocking interests people have these days. During my research, I was struck by just how many depraved, mentally unstable people there are out there. And they all have pictures on the internet. Imagine, if you will, that one of these fine folks is your co-worker, boss, friend. Imagine what you could get out of them with pictures such as this. Imagine trying to sleep tonight with that goddamn image burned into your brain. Good luck!
Moving forward, we have a happy practice known as “Gut Flopping”. According to urbandictionary.com, gut flopping can be summed up as a practice “Where a large bellied individual raises his or her stomach and allows it to drop upon his or her sexual partner in a way that creates a *smack* sound. This is an act performed for sexual pleasure.” Hard yet? Well get your doinks out, because here’s a tantalizing video!

But wait friends, it gets worse! better! Our fellow humans can sink much lower than what we’ve seen thus far, all in the name of an orgasm. Because jerking off in the shower just doesn’t cut it for some people. so lets get to it, shall we?

oh geez

This is the world we live in folks, these people walk amongst us. This is why I don’t like humanity so much. But of course, it would be hyprocritical of me to not point out my own fetish. Does this make me weird?

Okay! That’s all for now. I hope you all enjoyed this and can only cross my fingers that it will help you to remember that it’s usually better that I don’t update my page often because this is the kind of shit I think about and so just fuckoffalreadygoddamnit. Toodles!

Posted by Krank, filed under Awesomeness. Date: November 26, 2008, 3:35 pm | 1 Comment »