22  Dec

This holiday season I have the pleasure of traveling to a far and exotic location to celebrate the birth of Santa and enjoy time away from the hustle and bustle of the rat race, and I can hardly wait! I am sure you are thinking, our beloved Krank must be on his way to a tropical locale, perhaps Mexico, South America, or even the untamed wilds of Asia. While any of those places would make for a wonderful photo album, I am afraid you would be incorrect. This Christmas, I am headed to the beautiful state of Oklahoma, known for oil, tornadoes and, most awesomely – devout, unwavering religious convictions.

Being that I’ve never really had the displeasure of prolonged, direct exposure to fervent religious insanity, I view the State and its inhabitants with a somewhat bemused, apprehensive feeling. People in my area are pretty quiet about what their spiritual beliefs are – at most I have been subjected to the screaming rantings of delusional hobos on street corners informing me that the end is nigh, repent repent and also do you have some change please. People don’t seem to talk much about what their beliefs are, because no one really cares. Do what you want, just don’t bug me about it. However I have seen a lot of documentaries on these bible thumping types, read a lot of news articles, and heard from people who have dealt with them, and am aware that I am entering a different playing field.

I am going to be submerged into the goddamn buckle of the bible belt, where white is right and god is good. I doubt they are quiet about it. What kind of people will I be forced to deal with, and how long will I be able to smile and nod politely while being subjected to the untold fortunes and benefits of pious service to the invisible deity who apparently watches me when I’m sleeping, watches me when I’m awake, and I suppose watches me masturbate in the women’s change room at Target? That doesn’t seem cool to me – I need privacy in my life, especially being as most of the things I do in my life are illegal or at the very least morally bankrupt. I am fully aware of the irrational and vicious hatred that only true ignorance can afford a person, of which religious types have in spades and can unleash as soon as they feel threatened by differing opinions. In light of that I’ve decided to leave some of my more colorful t-shirts at home and chose a rather bland array of clothing for my trip. I figure it is better to blend in as I am uninterested in being lynched or beset with a plague of locusts by the locals if they were to learn of my godless life of atheism. I will be a wolf in sheep’s clothing, purportedly one of god’s little mistakes like the rest of them, harboring my great and awful penchant for sin safely behind a mask of placid reverence, hiding the venomous thoughts that swirl around my brain. I will be taking notes which I will turn into sentences during this pilgrimage to keep you informed of how badly things go – and keeping a watchful eye on corn fields, as I’ve seen Children of the Corn and am not interested in being murdered by pint-sized zealots.

Stay tuned!

Posted by Krank, filed under Awesomeness. Date: December 22, 2011, 5:13 am | No Comments »

De confianza,

Once more I come to you with fomenting news! Your most loyal and dear friend, Roberto Sanchez, has found love! My beloved and I have set a date to make good our promises before el saviour, Cristo Jesus, and are looking very much forward to our juxtaposition before the Lord. You may be asking, Roberto Sanchez, how could one ever love a man who has been burned, beaten, amputated, half-castrated and Cat’s pawed, and also convicted of vagrancy, lunacy, beastility, necromancy and ichthyomancy? The answer is simple! As my life is blind due to the vicious and completely unnecessary dissolving of my eye balls, love mimics! My love, unbeknownst to me at the time of my previous writing from my hospital bed after my unfortunate tumble from an interstate overpass, was nestled safely next to me in our semi-private room! As my time passed and I was able to muster more time of consciousness, the un-steady, labored breathing of my bed-neighbor began to tell me more of her life and it’s trails and tribulations! From the whispers of orderlies and nurses I was able to ascertain that she is a victim of one of life’s little problems – a sizable brain tumor!

As I healed from my previous birth-giving the love between us grew and, before I knew it, I am told she had blinked two times to signify she agreed with my proposal to unite us forever!

Stay tuned for further updates as the date approaches! Which has to happen before January 23rd because her brain aberration is due to cause her skull to crack open and make her a whole lot less alive by then!

Posted by Roberto Sanchez, filed under Roberto Sanchez. Date: December 13, 2011, 7:40 pm | No Comments »

Sup yall

What do hand jobs and hand grenades have in common? They both give me a boner.

Also, I wrote something for this website.

Visit this website.


Posted by Krank, filed under Awesomeness. Date: December 11, 2011, 6:17 pm | No Comments »

So in the rivers float your modern times and your alpha death decree
With it’s fingers locked into the scum of the shore
Where the nihilist baptized a bastardized yesterday
The enders’ ran alongside the streams
Waved to death and signed release forms to bottom feed
And the enders’ seeds stayed behind
At the homeless hills and they said to themselves
“The vertigo… The death threats… The funerals… They never end”
Everyone in everyone, and we all know what we hide
It will fail for them
It will erase for them
It will all be done in these nights
The dead end deals, bent, rulers break
Line them up and we’ll see what every fucking black communion can take
I want us all to die with our arms wrapped around the loves of our lives
And our hands wrapped around the throats
Of the ones that never saw us coming

Posted by Krank, filed under Awesomeness. Date: December 11, 2011, 6:15 pm | No Comments »

Greetings and salutations! Today I will be shedding some light on the mystery of TITS IN YO FACE




Posted by Krank, filed under Awesomeness. Date: December 3, 2011, 11:56 am | No Comments »