Greetings and salutations amigos!

What a whirlwind of excitement to tell since when last we spoke! Court proceedings were put on hold when it became pellucid that my various physical and moreso physiological ailments were a clear and present danger to all those who came in contact with me! The case of my hospital fraud has since been dismissed, and I am a resident of the centers for disease control in Atlanta! All I had to do was sign some papers, which I assume read that I was an important and special person since my mostly sugar and corn syrup eye confectioneries were unable to help me to read it! Imagine me, Roberto Ilich Sanchez, of the illustrious and peaceful township of Juárez, Mexico, now a government employee of the United States of America! They seem to use words more akin to “how does it breathe” and “scientific anomaly” but I assume as I am being held and cared for by the government in a strange and antiseptic living space wherein I am constantly stuck and prodded with tubes and needles that I must be a worker for the USA!

Amigos, this is a great accomplishment which all Mexican citizens are dreaming for as they lay their heads on heaps of rocks and cover their frail, malnourished bones with the skin of their once loved pets or children, if only to stave off the claws of death for one evening more. I miss my old friend from youth, Maligno, very deeply, but boy did his hide help keep my core organs warm during those cold winter months, and his meat and less appetizing intestines kept our family of 14 fed for a day at least! Well the men of the family anyways. I miss my mother, and her tasty arms. Viva Malingo y mi madre!

While the various tubes and invasive tests may seem to you terrible and inhumane, I promise I don’t mind! I usually feel as though I am flying high above the earth and barely have time to think about anything at all! Compared to the usual brush-fire like burning of my infected leg-stump and soft mewling I previously emitted unabated due to my un-tethered, viscously oozing pustules, this is a trip through the park! A park where I am not beaten and spit on by children when they find me resting from heat stroke in the bushes!

I am afraid however I may not be able to update again for some time as I have been elected to partake in a study which my blue suited amigos tell me will be exciting and take me to a new ward in which they do something called experimental biological testing! They assure me I will be made to feel things I have not yet had the pleasure to feel before, and that afterwards they will happily remove any extra appendages and sores that I did not have previously! Remove extra appendages? Friends, I would be the happiest hombre on earth should I have even the usual amount!

Until next time!

Posted by Roberto Sanchez, filed under Roberto Sanchez. Date: February 27, 2013, 11:57 pm | No Comments »

HELLO MISCREANTS

HOPE ALL IS WELL

THE TYPHOID IS PRACTICALLY DONE EATING ME ALIVE

BUT THE SHINGLES ARE STILL ASSAULTING ME LIKE AN ANGRY ITCHING FURNACE OF LAUGHS

MINUS THE LAUGHS

MY VISIT TO KENYA WAS OTHERWISE UNEVENTFUL

OTHER THAN THE HYENAS WHICH DESCENDED ON OUR CAMP LIKE SO MANY HOWLING DRUNKARDS AT AN ABANDONED  REST STOP

I MISS MY WIFE

BUT THE HYENAS SURE DIDN’T

hulk

Posted by Krank, filed under Awesomeness. Date: February 18, 2013, 12:09 pm | No Comments »