Mi Amigos!

I have been dreading to write as I am very ashamed to say I seem to have been duped by the United States Government! While my last correspondence was full of merriment and mirth, I am afraid those words were said too quickly! While slumbering peaceably on top of a hot subway vent I was jostled from my nightmare strewn dreams and rather forcefully put into the back of a truck which I came to learn was owned and operated by my previous benefactors! Were I to own the faculties to weep, I would do so without cessation! Many months and tests later, and while I had thought I’d done well in the experimental biological testing lab, it seems I must have committed some careless error of judgement or courtesy as after a long period of terrible night terrors which revealed each horrifying moment time and time again I am fairly certain that rather than a formal and pleasant dismissal I was actually pulled out from my sleep-cage quite unexpectedly and tossed onto what felt and smelled like some of my work friends.

As my vocal chords were removed to assist my new Government friends in determining the side-effects of cutting a person’s vocal chords out with a screwdriver (I hope someone reads the results of that study to me some day, I sure would like to know which of my debilitating illnesses and pains may be attributed to it!) I was unable to say anything to them, and they said nothing to me. And then friends, off we went! I could feel we were being wheeled forward in a large bin, and could hear from the great guys that were pushing us that we were off to our riches and freedom, although they used words like “mass grave” and “stinkhole”. Hilarious American slang! Happy days! Buenos dias mi familia! These were my thoughts as I clicked the vestige of my tongue merrily about. Pero mis amigos, nada era feliz.

I must now go as after unknowingly coughing what I imagine to be a very viscous and altogether putrid multi-colored and possibly living liquid on the screen I have been very nicely kicked in the back by the man who runs this apple store and asked very politely to crawl back into whatever Godless oblivion I was spawned from, but I will return soon to tell you more!

PS If anyone knows how to cure all these diseases, please let me know! Dying hurts!

PS#2 For all my writings, please press this!!!

I hear sirens that I assume are for me! Until next time, amigos!

Posted by Krank, filed under Roberto Sanchez. Date: June 29, 2014, 8:31 pm | No Comments »


Posted by Krank, filed under Awesomeness. Date: June 29, 2014, 7:41 pm | No Comments »

Pre-determined by birth to be a prole, predicated by the environment I was raised in to perpetuate it. I believe in irreparable human damage. I believe in self-destruction. I believe in irrepressible, irresponsible and irrevocable hatred, a loathing for things and people that can never be entirely written off, explained, justified. I believe it’s getting worse. I’m on board with this. I’m steering the boat into the storm.

And why? I was always under the impression, in my formative years, that this was a “teen angst” thing, such feelings would burn off and be replaced with love and self-worth, all the slings and arrows suffered would fade and green grass and bright skies would prevail, blinding in their greatness, trampling underfoot the vicious brutality you held so dear as part of life. I see ad campaigns about it, touting the greatness that awaits the youth if they can only endure with a smile the rhetorical and literal beatings they are being subjected to for just a little longer. The truth is, there is no bright light, scars don’t heal, and everything is terrible.

And should you be reading these words from a “first world” country, your perceived horrors are a mere drop in the ocean of what most of humanity currently endures. We in the west are a society of morons – sycophantic monsters clamoring to be that much better than the person next to us – vicious inhuman freaks who without the constant fear of arrest would spend most of our time tearing out the guts out of anyone who looked at us sideways through their rectum, if it would garner a promotion. I do not understand the reverence we give to the rich, nor the self-flagellation we openly put upon ourselves in our quest to be them. They are so heavily outnumbered – why are we so afraid? “Better that we should die on our feet rather than live on our knees” was first spoken by the vicious communist Gracchus Babeuf, later either stolen or mis-attributed to the Mexican revolutionary Zapata, who in his own right mirrored Babeuf in his hatred of a corrupt government and passion to bring about change. Both were murdered. Strong reasoning to keep quiet and continue talking about whether Kim Kardashian’s ass has been cosmetically enhanced.

Posted by Krank, filed under Awesomeness. Date: June 25, 2014, 3:42 pm | No Comments »

it’s important you know i don’t care what the end result here is, i’m just doing what i’m told to do – if you keep on with us or you move on means shit to me; but we need to know what you said, so…

let’s break it down – your style of tutelage for them wasn’t warranted. more importantly it wasn’t sanctioned. ah. implications are already abound.

and off you go running, like you’ll get away.

cute how we can make this fun through movement.

so cute.

hey, welcome back!

it’s fruitless to run around, isn’t it? let’s ensure that doesn’t happen again. save us both the trouble of such futile endeavors. honestly, i am winded from the whole thing.

now that you’re stationary, perhaps we can hash this out. let’s chat. i trust your new accommodations aren’t too tight. i tried to keep everything comfy.

seriously, knock it off.

no? ok.

you’ll tire of squirming and spitting once you figure out there aren’t any movie-type weaknesses in the restraints.

i want you to remember i gave you the opportunity to do this under your own volition.

we could have had an easy conversation.

you chose to make a run for it.

screaming just makes you look weak. come on, you’re better than that. i’ve purposely not gagged you. let’s just get to the bottom of this, so we can both get out of here.

we are both, after all, professionals.

let’s get down to it. what were you thinking? how did you see this working out for you?

doing that mouth twitch while you defend your actions really serves nothing but to give away your guilt.

yet you seem confident.

sorry, i had to level-set here. you didn’t seem to be taking me seriously.

that’ll heal, don’t be so morose. if that’s the worst thing you endure from here on out, be thankful.

no, i don’t have bandages for it. answer my questions so we can get out of here.

seriously, stop begging, it just annoys me.

we’re a long way out from help, so i get it. you know it’s just us. but there is no reason for concern.

you don’t have to keep mewling and begging for help from some apparition.

stop begging.

we are, after all, professionals here. no judgement.

no consequence? that is another conversation.

what was your part in it? what did you know?

stop begging.

no, i don’t believe that. stop acting like i don’t know what happened.

fine, let’s see if i can help you remember.

i admire your grit.

stop begging.

we’re past the point where that’ll heal.

i’ve already told you to stop spitting.

let me ask the question again.

your grit is starting to look idiotic now.

look, there are 3 more on that side, and this thing isn’t going to get any sharper.

let’s just figure this out together.

stop begging.

Posted by Krank, filed under Awesomeness. Date: June 14, 2014, 11:08 pm | No Comments »