haha wow, this is awesome. Rather than addressing the issue of obesity in this country, it’s played down and new lines are drawn to protect the ego and self-esteem of these people. I imagine clothing companies are sick of having their employees screamed at when some fucking 340 pound bitch swears she used to fit into a medium shirt what is wrong with your sizing system I order diet coke with my double whopper you assholes! Are you fucking serious? While raising the number of inches it takes to be considered a size may seem like a good idea to some (ie: self hating fatties) condoning and perpetuating this cycle of horrific health is obviously being green-lit from this action. Would it not be better to leave the size the same, so that when Joe-Bob waddles in to the local wal-mart for a new “RIP Dale” t-shirt he might think “there are more x’s on my shirt label than on a porn rating maybe I should stop eating every second that i’m awake”? This is only exacerbating the rising drain on government money for health care, because if you think the baby boomers are the only ones crushing the government on medicare and medicaid, you’re higher than I am; and I get wet more than a nympho at a cock convention. But dear friends I have a solution. A final solution, if you will.

Every major city must open up warehouses that emit delicious smells of lard, gravy and Popeye’s chicken in order to draw the fatties to them, whether by forklift, rosco or dump truck. Once in, they will be herded towards the delicious scents, which are rendering machines painted like ice cream cones. once the wretched wastes have their ample fat liberated from them, it can be used as fuel to heat our homes, perhaps even to power our automobiles. This is a double pronged attack on the economic issues; the exuberant cost of caring for these things, and our dependency on fossil fuels.

While we’re at it, let’s start rounding up the elderly in much the same fashion, except this time instead of using the scent of delicious quadruple stackers (as well as advertisments for all you can eat sugar, I just thought of that let’s use the media to drive the orcas in! I’m so smart) we can advertise mega gambling and/or bingo centers, as well as good deals on medication and denny’s (which will work for both problem people since the old and the morbidly obese both need pills to manage their diabetes and such and everyone likes Denny’s). Once in, lock the doors and turn on the gas. It’ll sort itself out. I’ve just solved the medicare problem.

You’re welcome, America.